Singleness

So about 3 weeks ago, I posted on my xanga account (www.xanga.com/servantofstrength), and now that I reread it, I think it's worthy to go onto my blogger site; which serves for my more personal and heart-felt posts... posts that aren't just happy-go-lucky posts that recap what my week/day consisted of. So here is my post.

Last night was a milestone for me. I realized that I'm still somewhat bitter about being single. The only thing that's changed over the years is how well I'm able to mask that bitterness. All of today I went over and over my reasons for staying single. At this point in my life I can really only come up with a couple. School was one and the other was I'm still not ready. I've grown out of my 'not confident enough' excuse and I can't say that I still think girls have cooties (even though they do). What brought this about? Last night I hung out with Linda and her little cousin Grace. Grace is 2 years old and she was fun to watch. But as I watched Linda and Grace play together, I couldn't help to think about my current state of singleness. I wanted something more than myself... insert "relationship stuff" here. Today I had to remind myself that I'm still in school, not living on my own, don't have a consistent pay check, not on my own insurance, and probably most importantly I'm not physically/mentally/spiritually able to be the "man" of a relationship. Physical meaning I'm currently not the bread winner. Mental meaning I still make poor decisions for myself, so what makes me think I can make the right decisions for someone else. And spiritual meaning that I still need to work on my relationship with God before I can come up beside someone and encourage them to follow God. And so I continue on tonight, knowing that it will be several more years before I will be able to cross some of those convictions off of my list.